Pre-Season MBK Draft Grades

We'll start with a hot chick, then get to the grades starting from the beginning:
Team: Shawn Had a Bad Day

Owner: Shawn Connolly

This team had a quality keeper in Pierre Thomas, a solid number 2 back that was kept in the 11th Round, one of the best values of keepers in the draft. Also, A-Gonz is a solid wide receiver in a pass heavy offense, but not as quick as other Gonz's. And then the draft started.....AP was the token number 1 pick, he is studly and when healthy can run over 5/6 guys every time he touches the ball like a drunk John Barney at Clybourn. The Cowboy and former Cowboy were picks expected. The Southie wanted to ensure that he had his QB and WR to plug in every day (classic case of filling the roster). Romo was one of the last QB's on the board after some dumbass took his second QB in the 2nd round, TO was fine until you see guys like Housh, Ochocinco and Bowe who can actually catch. Makes you wonder if he wanted another cowboy to go along with these douches. LJ was good value, Coffee is not a beverage and is a big commissioner fan, but makes you wonder where the depth will come from especially with the injury to the frenchman. Harvin and Meachem are young future bust and former bust, respectively. Ramses???? Is that a Greek God (Correction: Pharaoah)? Kellen and Ravens had good value at the time.

Best Pick: Peterson (Best player in league)

Worst Pick: Ramses (Unless you are doing Fantasy Eqyptians)

Draft Grade: C (Mainly B/C of A-Gonz, All Day and Pierre)

Team: Van Wilder, Minus the Pussy

Owner: Thomas "Chester" "Madden" "Adams" Mathews

The medium red one (I think we know the small and extra large ones) got to start off the draft with a valuable QB and young, up and coming receiver in A-Rod and Desean. You can tell this commentator did some reading this offseason and went running back and wide receiver heavy. MJD, DMC and Ryan Grant, Part Deux give him one of the steadier running back combos in the league and without a keeper amongst them. Felix Jones, Mendenhall, Taylor and Tashard Choice create a deep bench as well as a handcuff to his precious Adrian. Roy Williams and Santonio gives the Boomster his Third Cowboy and 2nd Steeler, which also points out the breakdown of the roster:

2 Vikings, 2 Packers, 2 Eagles, 2 Steelers, 3 Cowboys, 2 Giants, 1 Raider, 1 Bear and 1 Buc

Lots o' teammates on the team, but one must wonder what if Celek goes down (or stays healthy and starts for that matter) or if A-Rod gets sideswiped by Wall-E on Sunday night. Will the Mad-Dog be starting Campbell Soup or Joey Flaccid by Week 2....

Best Pick: McFadden (Excellent Flex)
Worst Pick: Mendenhall/Choice (especially w/ Felix already)

Draft Grade: A- (as long as those bye weeks are managed)


Team Name: Petoria Shipoopi
Owner: Peter Kleb Oh dear lord, where do we begin? Oh right, last year, when Leon Washington and Eli Manning were drafted.....and brought back to this glorious squad. The pick of Larry Fitz was bold and calculated, he will catch a ton of balls for a great offense and should steadily contribute week in and week out. TJ and Ronnie Brown were overrated coming into this year, especially with Ronnie's skewed 4 TD game. Ricky Williams and Julius Jones are boring backups but could contribute. The need to grab backup kickers, defenses and tight ends is unnecessary, especially if they include the Cardinals and Brandon Pettigrew (selected first, while Shockey was taken later on and will probably start). After Fitz, Braylon will be startable and Shipoopi better hope Hakeem Nicks shoots up that depth chart to have any sort of sliver of depth. Steelers - 6th, Gostkowski - 10th, not bad for an AFC Only draft......but really???? When you could have snatched up receivers like this guy or this guy?

All this team needed was Shonn Greene and it would have solidified the poop it is...

Best Pick: Fitz

Worst Pick: Ronnie Brown/Ricky Williams/Brandon Pettigrew/Steelers D/ Gost....well you get the point.

Draft Grade: D-


Team Name: Danny, how my ASS taste?
Owner: Matt "Commish" Karalis


The Assinators needed work coming in with keepers such as Freddie Jax and Kurt Warner (3rd worst keepers only to the Eli-LWash combo and lack of keepers for the Ginger Sconnie). LT falling was key in starting the running back depth that was desperately needed. Ray Rice could have been kept, but was not in the preference of having Freddie rip it up in Weeks 1-3. J-Lew, Sproles, Jennings and Chris Wells should provide some kind of starter by Week 3 (or that's what the owner thought). At receiver, the more the merrier; Royal, Maclin, Walter join Bowe and Berrian to create a middling receiving core that could use a bit more pop (anyone want Peyton). Shiancoe, the Vikings and Robert Solid Gould cover the minor positions good enough to the point that he may achieve fantasy glory.

Best Pick: Royal (at the time, before Marshall was suddenly out of McDaniels Dog House)

Worst Pick: Pey-Pey

Draft Grade: C

Team Name: KamiKazemis

Owner: Zacharay of crimson sunshine Straebel

She's a keeper"......Something the Straebel household has never and may never say for the rest of their lives about the young JinJ. Since Straebel can't find women who are keepers, he decided he'd pass on the thought of keeping players as well, thus, leaving the 2009-10 season up to his own rose-colored brain to draft himself a champ. Steven Jackson was there and Zach snatched him up. He wanted a steady back and got one (as long as that swiss cheese line slows down the NFC West from destroying him). Followed by the potential keeper o' the year in Knowshon and a plethora of depth w/ Freddie T, James Davis, Jamaal Charles and Donald Brown, you can tell the Ginger root wanted to make sure he got some sort of keeper by the end of this year. Colston was the last of the tier when drafted and Ocho is an outstanding number 2. Between Mason, Morgan and Murphy, some sort of flex will be startable (barring one of those running backs not exploding on the scene). Carson and Kyle are squaring off this weekend and should throw up a shootout (Both offenses can score at will). Questions - Will Mason be as productive as last year by PPR standards? Can the Donald, Davis or Charles break on to the scene to barnacle their way onto the 2010-11 red army of Straebies? Is Kris Brown really spelled with a K?.....Alas, this team will compete or it will just end up on the couch sleeping with a bullet in its head.....

Best Pick: Colston

Worst Pick: Fred Taylor

Draft Grade: A- (outstanding for having zero keepers)

Team Name: Team Karalis (Hopefully to be determined)

Owner: Little K-Ral

Keepers like Derrick Ward and Donnie Avery are good role players to have to start the draft giving flexibility at other positions. The Moss pick was bold and was a player the commish was considering at 4. Driver, Crayton and Devery are in high-powered offenses and should get looks to supplant the number 2 receiver spot. Iglesias is a stretch as a keeper (and a singer), one of those pharaoah picks. Barber and Bush should be manageable for a 1 and 2 running back, but both face tough time-shares. McNabb & Garrard are two serviceable quarterback options. The flex is the weak point here whether it be Ward, Crayton or Avery.

Best Pick: Moss

Worst Pick: McNabb over Schaub

Draft Grade: B-

Team Name: Squirrel's Revenge

Owner: Daniel "Toby & Rae" Elegant

Part of the Jewish Liberators: The squirrel lucked into V-Jax and G-Reg as top quality keepers and you knew the Jew would get good value and not spend too many high draft picks on them. Gore, Parker, LenDale are an outstanding trio of running backs and Shonn Greene is a sexy keeper later in the draft (although one wonders if these backs don't catch enough balls....one being me). After V-Jax, Marshall suddenly is stunted back to a no. 1 receiver and Hines, Teddy Ginn and the Nates (Wash & Burls) should keep this position a Nazi-free zone (in other words, Danny won't be hiding from it). Tom is Tom and will be his Tom-ness with all of his douchebaggery. The only slight against this squad is that it is not as keeper-friendly as others, but who knows what will happen in the coming year.

Best Pick: Tom Brady
Worst Pick: Earnest Graham (Time-share in Tampa, no thanks)


Draft Grade: B


Team Name: Kardashian's Tainted Box
Owner: John "Ron" Barney


With keepers of Deangelo and Santana, this team was already quite solid. Drew Brees was a surprising choice over Tom Brady. Ahmad Bradshaw was outstanding value later in the draft. The running back depth that emerges is Deang, Marshawn, B-Shaw w/ Sammy Morris and Moron-ey that makes you wonder what he will do Weeks 1 - 3. After Santana, Welker, Evans and Cotchery is excellent, especially for the dinosaur (Curtis could be cut). It's unbelievable Barney took this long to grab a defense and kicker this year, guess he really wants that money or was just too stoned/drunk....Not bad young Jedi, the force is powerful in this one....




Best Pick: Bradshaw
Worst Pick: Lee Evans (sorry had to pick one, it was difficult John)


Draft Grade: B+

Team Name: Team Lickus (Soon to be Peavy-Fuckers)

Owner: John/Steve Lickus after midnight and we'll pay you 5 bucks....

Phillip Rivers and Roddy White - Two players that fill two holes in a roster to give flexibility to the rest of the draft. Makes you see why keepers are so essential. This allowed the Licki to snag Andre Johnson (potentially the best receiver this year) and lock in their 2 receivers and have a bench of Coles, Earls and Chambers to fill in if needed. Westbrook will need to stay healthy and Benson is Benson (I know he's a starter, but how soon we forget his garbage...) Ray Rice is a stud if he gets the carries and the bench of Hightower and the newly acquired Caddy gives some flexibility on matchups. Cutler backs up his nemesis in Rivers and the only weakness this team has is the Bears Secondary trying to stop everyone from scoring at will.

Best Pick: Ray Rice

Worst Pick: Chicago Bears (barely top 15 defense)

Draft Grade: A-

Team Name: Barber for my Bush

Owner: Josh Lock

The second most touted keeper class in Chris Johnson and Kevin Smith decided to add on Joey Addai and another group of running backs. Lock loves him some running backs and youngins at that so he grabbed himself McCoy (very potential keeper/starter w/ Westy and his fragility), Bernard Scott and his token Denver RB's that Lock needs every year in Hillis and Buckhalter (this man drafted Andre Hall two years ago). At receiver, the padlock couldn't pass up the combo of Megatron and Boldin to open up the first two rounds and balance out the team immediately. The receiving depth is shallow especially with Boldin in danger of missing week 1 the only choice is Torry Holt as Chaz Michael Michaels Schilens is on the schelf for another few schort weeks. Hasselbeck and Favre leave a little to be desired with their lack of hair/sex drive/wrangler jeans comme....ignore that. The Chargers and Gates are always in the tops of their respective category leaving the team's title chances under lock and key....

Best Pick: Megatron (he is so good)

Worst Pick: Buckhalter/Hillis (don't touch that situation)

Draft Grade: A

Team Name: Child Please

Owner: Wiliam Oberkrieser

The runner-up from 2008, the "Child Please" sports some of the reasons he made the title game last year on his squad. Michael Turner, some had him as the number 1 overall pick in certain leagues (not so in ours as a PPR), was kept with great value and allowed Willie-O to grab another steady back in Portis in the 2nd Round. Jonathan Stewart returns to the team (not as a keeper) and the running back depth is completed with Marriott McGahee and the Edge. Given those top two running backs, depth wasn't expected to be a problem with both Turner and Portis being durable backs. Gregory Jennings, the second Packer keeper in the league blasts off this flock of ball catchers. Steve Smith was chosen in the first round (burning Rob on the turn) to pair up one of the elite receiving cores in the league. Antonio Bryant is an outstanding option on the bench if he can perform half as well as last year, but old man Bruce and with rumors of rotating no. 2 receivers in Miami, Camarillo provide a weak 4 and 5 receiver that will hopefully not be needed. Cooley/Keller is a reliable duo of snug butts and after the Thursday night showing, Shaun Hill will not be taking that starting job from Foxlisburger any time soon. This team is locked and loaded for the coming year. Now, Child Please....Kiss the baby.......

Best Pick: Jonathan Stewart (top no. 2 back when healthy, great as a flex)

Worst Pick: McGahee/Bruce/Edge (for three straight picks - See above for Willis, Bruce is old and bad on a worse team, Edge has lost that Edge, but gets discounts at Denny's with this)

Draft Grade: A-

Team Name: Winning is My Forte

Owner: Robert Wensssssssssscccc

The overall best keepers in the league in Forte and Slaton, this team had a large margin for error. With Jacobs, it is hard-pressed to find another running back core like this one (what a flex) Reggie Wayne started off the receivers for this team with a steady 'Cane who can be a beast with that Manning throwing the ball. Housh will be able to contribute in Seattle and should rip down a ton of balls. The depth is lacking with Lance Moore, Chris Henry and Steve Breaston, all number 3's on their respective teams, probably not getting a lot of balls thrown their way. Matty Schaub when healthy is a top 5 QB (....when healthy = Never) and backup Matt Cassel is trying to shake off an injury. Enough Matts on this team for an apartment hallway......You knew Rob wanted a TE, but Tony Gonzalez with a new team may not have been ideal, but it sure pieces nicely with this powerhouse. A repeat cannot be dismissed, but he may not be able to show up at the next live draft if he does win to avoid the ass kicking he'd receive.

Best Pick: Brandon Jacobs (Why not flex the big fella)

Worst Pick: Chris Henry (Please....Preaseason sensation....)

Draft Grade: A

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ON THE RESULTS AND POST AT WILL....LET THE GAMES BEGIN

4 weeks later.....

Here we are, 4 weeks young into the season and the standing have begun to right themselves and some teams are resorting to desperation pickups (Exhibit A, B, and soon to be C...adding to the delinquents in the 'Natti). I would like to introduce a little piece I call Hot, Not and "Take a shit or get off the Pot"; analyzing the owners, players, etc. that should be attached with the aforementioned tags:

HOT

Cut That Meat!

• With a win streak at 3 games is tied for the league-high of consecutive games won. Philip Rivers is doing his best Drew Brees impression in San Diego having thrown for 10 TD's this year (maybe he's gotta back up his shit talking...) and TO has given the Licki brothers a solid 4 TD's through 4 games. Hopefully Romo gives him the ball more than a third of the time (as they did on Sunday) or he'll be either riding pine voluntarily or he'll be the one throwing balls.....at Romo's woman.....Still, CTM needs to prove himself in Week 5's matchup against the Sleeper of the Week: Oral Rex and his upchuck of a team

DeadBolt

• The overall points leader had a monster week 4 taking down his Oralness although the single week 30-burger he could be grabbing from the week-high points has escaped him by the slimmest of hairs. Backed by the bold pickup of B-West over All Day he is steam rolling to another playoff berth (would be his third in three years) as long as Brian can get healthy (What else is new?) Chris Johnson is looking like the best keeper value in the entire draft. He faces the Jew next week and look for Housh, Giants D and McNabb to lead him to a victory and push him to 4-1

Supa Dupa Fupa

• Finally toppled from his steady perch above the other owner peasants, Soup was brought back down to Earth with his loss to the Meat. Nonetheless, you cannot ignore his strong opening to the season having the only chance to pull a Patriots and go undefeated during the season. The league's leading rusher, Burner Turner has been studly and over playing his draft position alongside Frankie Gore and another keeper-esque player in JStew kicking teams in the FUPA week in and week out. He has had arguably the most quality wins beating two other 3-1 teams and if his Texans offense can get clicking like they did last week he could be a force to be reckoned with.

Lois Must Die

• S-Jax is Back, or Lois hopes so with his 188 yd all purpose yard output on Sunday, the Linehan Army may turn from Has-Beens to Has-letts...AHhahahah. One owner is hoping he keeps it up so defenses can lay off of Torry, but with all the criticisms and low expectations from the commissioner, Lois could be the surprise team of the first 4 weeks. Scraping together victories by 4.6 and 2.8 his first two weeks, this team is lurking with Romo not quite playing up to his full potential yet, Boldin had been a touchdown machine until this (Danny, you may want to tell Rae to turn away...), but with starting RB's like Edge and Warrick Dunn this week, one has to wonder if S-Jax alone can keep up this run

not

All-Madden

• BOOM! And just like that a season can go up in smoke...Tom Brady has doomed Madden's rookie season to an 0-4 start. Already pulling off three trades, this owner is desperate for anything (seriously, offer him whatever you want) that he already dropped Selvin Young after owning him for one week. Many can point fingers on to where the collapse happened:

1. Brady
2. No, seriously, it was Brady
3. Ryan Grant...eww
4. Minny Defense
5. David Akers
6. Bernard Pollard
7. Nick Kaczur

• Averaging just over 60 points a game, this owner needs a win like Straebel needs sunscreen at a Cub game and who knows what would have happened in week 3 if he could have scrounged up .08 points from Ryan Grant (.06 total) or Santonio Holmes (3.63); It is kind of hard to root for an underdog when he is starting two Denver RB's and two Philly WR's.....

Little K Ral

• The 2nd lowest total scoring output on the year has had a rough schedule to start the year as well facing three 3-1 teams. Braylon has been an absolute disappointment but still feels he can jam in the endzone when he scores his first TD in week 4. Are the Karalis brothers doomed for fantasy disappointment? The Pittsburgh offense needs to carry him with his trifecta of Heath, Hines and Ben. Should be a W next week though vs. his next opponent, who is........

Gimme My Razor Back

• Yes, the team is 2-2; Yes, Ronnie Brown did score 5 TD's in Week 4; and Yes, All Day is possibly the studliest running back in the NFL, but one only has to look at the man behind the curtain of this team......John "Ocho Stinko" Barney.....Ocho Cinco is pretty bad especially with Ryan Fitzy throwing the pigskin; Santana Moss and Jerricho Cotchery have way overperformed their talent level and the handcuff team of Fargas, Brown and DeAngelo may not be able to keep up a solid No. 2 RB option; Nonetheless, I fully expect All Day to be ridden by the Dinosaur to the playoffs just as he did the previous year with Tom....

Oral Rex

• Yes, I did it, I put myself in the Not as you all probably assumed I wouldn't. Oral Rex is a team in shambles. Marshawn Lynch is the beautiful rose petal on a hairy Italian Ass. Willis McGahee is going to be hurt all year; Torry Holt looks like Issac Bruce (but worse....); the Flex position is filled with feces of the likes of Amani Toomer, Michael "Hairy" (Don't click it) Bush; Oral Rex has some cogs in the wheel of a championship, but will have to overperform from here on out if he can enjoy the spoils of money and as Scooby Doo says.....Roral Rex

Take a Shit or Get off the Pot

Terrorist Fist Jabs

• After a strong two weeks, Team Shalom has gone on a two game skid after beating the two cupcake Karalis teams. Marion Barber is looking like the best RB in the league not named Peterson as long as he gets more than 8 carries.....? Cutler has carried his team as Joltin' Jay has done with most fantasy teams to this point with the Broncos looking like the race to 50 points Saints of last year; The younglings in Royal and Bowe are solid WR options and possible keepers if they can get some consistency, but will they win weeks; TubDale White will still be getting goal-line carries and Steve Smith should stay gun shy with his fists the rest of the year, but one has to wonder with all of these inconsistent players save Cutler and Barber, will this team succeed or tumble?

Ron Mexico Fan Club

• I know the hyperlinks are getting fewer, but I gave myself too much credit on this on got too detailed and have become lazy. LT looks like he is back and with Forte, this team could have the best RB tandem in the league.....and that's where it ends....Calvin Johnson had a massive start to the year and followed it with a Bobby Wade-like 4 rec. for 40 yds. in Week 3; Jake DelHomme and Matt Hasselbeck are manageable but won't win any weeks on their own; Dallas Clark is losing catches to A-Gonz and Peyton's WR butt buddies (Marvie Harrissayne); Slaton is another solid keeper candidate, but this team needs more out of the rest of the team to compete. Ron has faced two of the 3-1 teams and faces fellow 2-2 OHAB next week in a battle to get above .500

OHAB???????? Orton Hears a Boo

• OHAB has taken two weekly point high scores (his only two wins) making him the "Any Given Sunday" team so watch out and he was a Brett Favre start away from bumping up with the HOT's; Although a ginger, his draft picks seem to have panned out here and there....Addai seems to be heating up, but needs to legitimize his value; the best WR tandem in Fitz and B-Marsh looks sexy even on a Ginger team and if Lee Evans can do his best non-Lee Evans impression the flex will be just fine; One starts to worry if/when Reggie Bush will get hurt and when Ced Benson will take over for Chris Perry (which OHAB has already owned for about 8 hours) Will OHAB throw up a W after being upset by the younger K-Ral?

Sweep the Leg Johnny

• The Boston Cream Pie still is wishing that he had Tom Brady on his team even if he was injured; Randy Moss is bitching, Willie Parker is hurt, Aaron Rodgers is sodomizing Jennings now instead of Favre hitting up Driver, and Chris Henry is still suspended; The light at the end of the tunnel is Henry who can be a key WR if he comes back productive as he did for the Commish last year, Willie Parker will be back, Drew Brees is a god and Shockey does not have a sports hernia and will be back sooner.

It should be a barn-burner of a rest of the year and I hope to put out more stuff like this as it goes, good luck to all and WATCH YOUR BYE WEEKS.....

The Mock Draft of the 2008 NFL Fantasy Draft

Here is the Mock Draft (Analysis to be compared later either tomorrow morning or evening):
This will show what was Mocked with the Actual in Parentheses...
1. LT (LT, Rob wasn't a dumbass after all)
2. Westbrook(Westbrook, Lock knows more than everyone....always...)
3. Brady (AP, Barney fools us all by bypassing his Tom Brady Love)
4. ADP (Brady, Madden can't resist his sexiness)
5. Addai (Steven Jackson)
6. S-Jax (Addai)
7. Moss (Moss, Shawn loves his Pats, but the Packers don't)
8. Portis (Barber)
9. Barber (Portis)
10. Lynch (TO, big surprise, Licki like receiving instead of giving)
11. Gore (Gore, Billy gives him another shot)
12. Wayne (Lynch, Happy he fell to me)

13. Grant (Wayne, Man-crush central)
14. Braylon (Andre Johnson)
15. TO (LJ, Licki need an RB at this point)
16. Peyton (Braylon)
17. LJ (Colston, Solid pick in a PPR)
18. MJD (MJD)
19. Colston (Fitzgerald)
20. Andre (Boldin, back to back Cardinal receivers, hope they are playing in an Arena)
21. Fitz (Jamal Lewis)
22. Ocho (Peyton...dropped a lot compared to the Mock)
23. Romo (Houshmandzadeh)
24. Brees (Moron-ey)

25. Bush (Burress)
26. Housh (Jacobs, back to back Giants?)
27. J. Lewis (Ocho Cinco, of course, John Barney loves him some Ocho Cinco)
28. Palmer (Grant)
29. T-Jones (Romo)
30. Jacobs (Bush)
31. Welker (Brees)
32. Steve Smith (Steve Smith)
33. Boldin (McFadden)
34. Maroney (Palmer)
35. Turner (Welker, pretty low in a PPR)
36. Earnest (Holt)

Keeper Possibilities...

37. Roy Williams (McGahee)
38. Lee Evans (Turner)
39. T. Holt (Thomas Jones)
40. S.Young (Big Ben)
41. Santonio (LenDale...terrible pick)
42. McFadden (Fast Willie)
43. Marshall (Marshall..Straebel predicted his own pick)
44. Witten (Roy Williams)
45. Edge (Witten...TE run a pick too early)
46. R. Brown (Gates)
47. Dallas Clark (Winslow)
48. Gates (Calvin Johnson)

49. Calvin Johnson (Dallas Clark, We knew Rob would love Calvin...)
50. Fast Willie (Laveraneous Coles)
51. Winslow (Ronnie Brown, of course Barney had to grab him making sure his top two picks from last year return to Ricky William's Stash)
52. Marvin (Santonio)
53. Big Ben (Edge)
54. LenDale (Earnest Graham)
55. D. Anderson (Donald Driver)
56. McNabb (Bowe...couldn't he of gotten him in three rounds?)
57. Rudi Johnson (Hines Ward)
58. Cooley (Marvin Harrison)
59. Shockey (Chris Chambers)
60. Daniels (Derek Anderson...this is how I feel about my pick)


Well, those are the Picks in line with the Mock Draft conducted by Zacharias Straebel and Myself about 5 days before draft day. We felt the TE run would go much sooner, but alas, it did not. Look for Draft grades before the opening game on Thursday. Everyone please set your lineups and don't get too cocky

The Official 2008 Chicago Bears Prediction Thread

As wonderful as this baseball season has been for both sides of town, we all know that baseball is for fags. Thus, it's time to get excited for the Bears. I'm not quite sure how good the team will be, but I think with the collection of minds (except Barney) in this league, we can collaborate on a good set of predictions.

Just to balance the optimism and pessimism, I'll suggest this format--record, team mvp, one good thing, one bad thing, and one surprise, and any additional comments

My prediction

Record: 5-11

Team MVP: Lance Briggs

One Good Thing: Matt Forte receives Rookie of the Year

One Bad Thing: Bears start at least three Quarterbacks

One Surprise: Less than two paternity suits are filed against Urlacher

Bear down

Things That Have Been Lost in Orton's Neckbeard...

• Lovie's Car Keys
• Kyle's Cell Phone
• That Chick's Bra
• A Bottle of Jim Beam Black
• Toby
• An original copy of the Declaration of Independence
• Olin Kruetz
  
• New Hampshire
• Amelia Earhart
• The Ark of the Covenant
• Rex's Career

Only God knows whatever else lurks in there.

Viva El Neckbeard!

Launch

Welcome to the Launch of the Official Kappa Sigma Alumni and Other Members Fantasy Football League!

This Blog will be used for various fake news stories, random lists, put-downs towards others, etc.

Please roam around the site and check for its multitude of options and features (Straebel you don't have to since you have years of Blogxperience. Let's make this a solid Blog and try not for everyone to rip on Danny only, I mean it is really easy (but fun) and sometimes gets old (not really).

Man, Myth, Legend, Buckeye?

I remember one of my first days at the U of I at C-U meeting various members of our beloved Kappa Sigma fraternity. One of these members in particular was quiet, reserved and hibernating-bearlike. His name was Tom Mathews. Soon did I realize that this Tom fellow really wasn't a Tom at all, but would go by his alter-ego, binge drinking alias Madden
*pictured at right (yes, as in TurDuckin). Not only would Billy constantly expect Madden to utter the words, "BOOM!" every 10 mins. but with his resistance to it, it became a challenge.


As an offspring of John Madden himself and a female Moose, Madden continued his college career matching multiple feats that may have been legend worthy, among them:

-Beer Bonging an entire 40 oz. of Malt Liquor (Please comment if you know what type) while myself and my Dad were sleeping in my room on Dad's Day weekend and proceeding to puke it all up in about 48 seconds

-Co-man with myself an unheard of streak of 8-10 beer pong matches one at some random party where a kid looking like Dirk Nowitzki was there and the playing surface was a closet door

-Complete an hour and a half nap at a bar blaring Kiss FM music whilst in a banana costume

-Spit out puke chunks on a fellow Cubs Fan at a game after attempting to not throw up after returning with two beers in the 8th inning after they stop serving in the 7th (Also, after we were moved the 1st of 3 times)

These are the few of 100's and please feel free to comment with additional stories, out-of-body experiences, etc. For all you Gingers out there, I have met your king and I am not impressed....