Pre-Season MBK Draft Grades

We'll start with a hot chick, then get to the grades starting from the beginning:
Team: Shawn Had a Bad Day

Owner: Shawn Connolly

This team had a quality keeper in Pierre Thomas, a solid number 2 back that was kept in the 11th Round, one of the best values of keepers in the draft. Also, A-Gonz is a solid wide receiver in a pass heavy offense, but not as quick as other Gonz's. And then the draft started.....AP was the token number 1 pick, he is studly and when healthy can run over 5/6 guys every time he touches the ball like a drunk John Barney at Clybourn. The Cowboy and former Cowboy were picks expected. The Southie wanted to ensure that he had his QB and WR to plug in every day (classic case of filling the roster). Romo was one of the last QB's on the board after some dumbass took his second QB in the 2nd round, TO was fine until you see guys like Housh, Ochocinco and Bowe who can actually catch. Makes you wonder if he wanted another cowboy to go along with these douches. LJ was good value, Coffee is not a beverage and is a big commissioner fan, but makes you wonder where the depth will come from especially with the injury to the frenchman. Harvin and Meachem are young future bust and former bust, respectively. Ramses???? Is that a Greek God (Correction: Pharaoah)? Kellen and Ravens had good value at the time.

Best Pick: Peterson (Best player in league)

Worst Pick: Ramses (Unless you are doing Fantasy Eqyptians)

Draft Grade: C (Mainly B/C of A-Gonz, All Day and Pierre)

Team: Van Wilder, Minus the Pussy

Owner: Thomas "Chester" "Madden" "Adams" Mathews

The medium red one (I think we know the small and extra large ones) got to start off the draft with a valuable QB and young, up and coming receiver in A-Rod and Desean. You can tell this commentator did some reading this offseason and went running back and wide receiver heavy. MJD, DMC and Ryan Grant, Part Deux give him one of the steadier running back combos in the league and without a keeper amongst them. Felix Jones, Mendenhall, Taylor and Tashard Choice create a deep bench as well as a handcuff to his precious Adrian. Roy Williams and Santonio gives the Boomster his Third Cowboy and 2nd Steeler, which also points out the breakdown of the roster:

2 Vikings, 2 Packers, 2 Eagles, 2 Steelers, 3 Cowboys, 2 Giants, 1 Raider, 1 Bear and 1 Buc

Lots o' teammates on the team, but one must wonder what if Celek goes down (or stays healthy and starts for that matter) or if A-Rod gets sideswiped by Wall-E on Sunday night. Will the Mad-Dog be starting Campbell Soup or Joey Flaccid by Week 2....

Best Pick: McFadden (Excellent Flex)
Worst Pick: Mendenhall/Choice (especially w/ Felix already)

Draft Grade: A- (as long as those bye weeks are managed)


Team Name: Petoria Shipoopi
Owner: Peter Kleb Oh dear lord, where do we begin? Oh right, last year, when Leon Washington and Eli Manning were drafted.....and brought back to this glorious squad. The pick of Larry Fitz was bold and calculated, he will catch a ton of balls for a great offense and should steadily contribute week in and week out. TJ and Ronnie Brown were overrated coming into this year, especially with Ronnie's skewed 4 TD game. Ricky Williams and Julius Jones are boring backups but could contribute. The need to grab backup kickers, defenses and tight ends is unnecessary, especially if they include the Cardinals and Brandon Pettigrew (selected first, while Shockey was taken later on and will probably start). After Fitz, Braylon will be startable and Shipoopi better hope Hakeem Nicks shoots up that depth chart to have any sort of sliver of depth. Steelers - 6th, Gostkowski - 10th, not bad for an AFC Only draft......but really???? When you could have snatched up receivers like this guy or this guy?

All this team needed was Shonn Greene and it would have solidified the poop it is...

Best Pick: Fitz

Worst Pick: Ronnie Brown/Ricky Williams/Brandon Pettigrew/Steelers D/ Gost....well you get the point.

Draft Grade: D-


Team Name: Danny, how my ASS taste?
Owner: Matt "Commish" Karalis


The Assinators needed work coming in with keepers such as Freddie Jax and Kurt Warner (3rd worst keepers only to the Eli-LWash combo and lack of keepers for the Ginger Sconnie). LT falling was key in starting the running back depth that was desperately needed. Ray Rice could have been kept, but was not in the preference of having Freddie rip it up in Weeks 1-3. J-Lew, Sproles, Jennings and Chris Wells should provide some kind of starter by Week 3 (or that's what the owner thought). At receiver, the more the merrier; Royal, Maclin, Walter join Bowe and Berrian to create a middling receiving core that could use a bit more pop (anyone want Peyton). Shiancoe, the Vikings and Robert Solid Gould cover the minor positions good enough to the point that he may achieve fantasy glory.

Best Pick: Royal (at the time, before Marshall was suddenly out of McDaniels Dog House)

Worst Pick: Pey-Pey

Draft Grade: C

Team Name: KamiKazemis

Owner: Zacharay of crimson sunshine Straebel

She's a keeper"......Something the Straebel household has never and may never say for the rest of their lives about the young JinJ. Since Straebel can't find women who are keepers, he decided he'd pass on the thought of keeping players as well, thus, leaving the 2009-10 season up to his own rose-colored brain to draft himself a champ. Steven Jackson was there and Zach snatched him up. He wanted a steady back and got one (as long as that swiss cheese line slows down the NFC West from destroying him). Followed by the potential keeper o' the year in Knowshon and a plethora of depth w/ Freddie T, James Davis, Jamaal Charles and Donald Brown, you can tell the Ginger root wanted to make sure he got some sort of keeper by the end of this year. Colston was the last of the tier when drafted and Ocho is an outstanding number 2. Between Mason, Morgan and Murphy, some sort of flex will be startable (barring one of those running backs not exploding on the scene). Carson and Kyle are squaring off this weekend and should throw up a shootout (Both offenses can score at will). Questions - Will Mason be as productive as last year by PPR standards? Can the Donald, Davis or Charles break on to the scene to barnacle their way onto the 2010-11 red army of Straebies? Is Kris Brown really spelled with a K?.....Alas, this team will compete or it will just end up on the couch sleeping with a bullet in its head.....

Best Pick: Colston

Worst Pick: Fred Taylor

Draft Grade: A- (outstanding for having zero keepers)

Team Name: Team Karalis (Hopefully to be determined)

Owner: Little K-Ral

Keepers like Derrick Ward and Donnie Avery are good role players to have to start the draft giving flexibility at other positions. The Moss pick was bold and was a player the commish was considering at 4. Driver, Crayton and Devery are in high-powered offenses and should get looks to supplant the number 2 receiver spot. Iglesias is a stretch as a keeper (and a singer), one of those pharaoah picks. Barber and Bush should be manageable for a 1 and 2 running back, but both face tough time-shares. McNabb & Garrard are two serviceable quarterback options. The flex is the weak point here whether it be Ward, Crayton or Avery.

Best Pick: Moss

Worst Pick: McNabb over Schaub

Draft Grade: B-

Team Name: Squirrel's Revenge

Owner: Daniel "Toby & Rae" Elegant

Part of the Jewish Liberators: The squirrel lucked into V-Jax and G-Reg as top quality keepers and you knew the Jew would get good value and not spend too many high draft picks on them. Gore, Parker, LenDale are an outstanding trio of running backs and Shonn Greene is a sexy keeper later in the draft (although one wonders if these backs don't catch enough balls....one being me). After V-Jax, Marshall suddenly is stunted back to a no. 1 receiver and Hines, Teddy Ginn and the Nates (Wash & Burls) should keep this position a Nazi-free zone (in other words, Danny won't be hiding from it). Tom is Tom and will be his Tom-ness with all of his douchebaggery. The only slight against this squad is that it is not as keeper-friendly as others, but who knows what will happen in the coming year.

Best Pick: Tom Brady
Worst Pick: Earnest Graham (Time-share in Tampa, no thanks)


Draft Grade: B


Team Name: Kardashian's Tainted Box
Owner: John "Ron" Barney


With keepers of Deangelo and Santana, this team was already quite solid. Drew Brees was a surprising choice over Tom Brady. Ahmad Bradshaw was outstanding value later in the draft. The running back depth that emerges is Deang, Marshawn, B-Shaw w/ Sammy Morris and Moron-ey that makes you wonder what he will do Weeks 1 - 3. After Santana, Welker, Evans and Cotchery is excellent, especially for the dinosaur (Curtis could be cut). It's unbelievable Barney took this long to grab a defense and kicker this year, guess he really wants that money or was just too stoned/drunk....Not bad young Jedi, the force is powerful in this one....




Best Pick: Bradshaw
Worst Pick: Lee Evans (sorry had to pick one, it was difficult John)


Draft Grade: B+

Team Name: Team Lickus (Soon to be Peavy-Fuckers)

Owner: John/Steve Lickus after midnight and we'll pay you 5 bucks....

Phillip Rivers and Roddy White - Two players that fill two holes in a roster to give flexibility to the rest of the draft. Makes you see why keepers are so essential. This allowed the Licki to snag Andre Johnson (potentially the best receiver this year) and lock in their 2 receivers and have a bench of Coles, Earls and Chambers to fill in if needed. Westbrook will need to stay healthy and Benson is Benson (I know he's a starter, but how soon we forget his garbage...) Ray Rice is a stud if he gets the carries and the bench of Hightower and the newly acquired Caddy gives some flexibility on matchups. Cutler backs up his nemesis in Rivers and the only weakness this team has is the Bears Secondary trying to stop everyone from scoring at will.

Best Pick: Ray Rice

Worst Pick: Chicago Bears (barely top 15 defense)

Draft Grade: A-

Team Name: Barber for my Bush

Owner: Josh Lock

The second most touted keeper class in Chris Johnson and Kevin Smith decided to add on Joey Addai and another group of running backs. Lock loves him some running backs and youngins at that so he grabbed himself McCoy (very potential keeper/starter w/ Westy and his fragility), Bernard Scott and his token Denver RB's that Lock needs every year in Hillis and Buckhalter (this man drafted Andre Hall two years ago). At receiver, the padlock couldn't pass up the combo of Megatron and Boldin to open up the first two rounds and balance out the team immediately. The receiving depth is shallow especially with Boldin in danger of missing week 1 the only choice is Torry Holt as Chaz Michael Michaels Schilens is on the schelf for another few schort weeks. Hasselbeck and Favre leave a little to be desired with their lack of hair/sex drive/wrangler jeans comme....ignore that. The Chargers and Gates are always in the tops of their respective category leaving the team's title chances under lock and key....

Best Pick: Megatron (he is so good)

Worst Pick: Buckhalter/Hillis (don't touch that situation)

Draft Grade: A

Team Name: Child Please

Owner: Wiliam Oberkrieser

The runner-up from 2008, the "Child Please" sports some of the reasons he made the title game last year on his squad. Michael Turner, some had him as the number 1 overall pick in certain leagues (not so in ours as a PPR), was kept with great value and allowed Willie-O to grab another steady back in Portis in the 2nd Round. Jonathan Stewart returns to the team (not as a keeper) and the running back depth is completed with Marriott McGahee and the Edge. Given those top two running backs, depth wasn't expected to be a problem with both Turner and Portis being durable backs. Gregory Jennings, the second Packer keeper in the league blasts off this flock of ball catchers. Steve Smith was chosen in the first round (burning Rob on the turn) to pair up one of the elite receiving cores in the league. Antonio Bryant is an outstanding option on the bench if he can perform half as well as last year, but old man Bruce and with rumors of rotating no. 2 receivers in Miami, Camarillo provide a weak 4 and 5 receiver that will hopefully not be needed. Cooley/Keller is a reliable duo of snug butts and after the Thursday night showing, Shaun Hill will not be taking that starting job from Foxlisburger any time soon. This team is locked and loaded for the coming year. Now, Child Please....Kiss the baby.......

Best Pick: Jonathan Stewart (top no. 2 back when healthy, great as a flex)

Worst Pick: McGahee/Bruce/Edge (for three straight picks - See above for Willis, Bruce is old and bad on a worse team, Edge has lost that Edge, but gets discounts at Denny's with this)

Draft Grade: A-

Team Name: Winning is My Forte

Owner: Robert Wensssssssssscccc

The overall best keepers in the league in Forte and Slaton, this team had a large margin for error. With Jacobs, it is hard-pressed to find another running back core like this one (what a flex) Reggie Wayne started off the receivers for this team with a steady 'Cane who can be a beast with that Manning throwing the ball. Housh will be able to contribute in Seattle and should rip down a ton of balls. The depth is lacking with Lance Moore, Chris Henry and Steve Breaston, all number 3's on their respective teams, probably not getting a lot of balls thrown their way. Matty Schaub when healthy is a top 5 QB (....when healthy = Never) and backup Matt Cassel is trying to shake off an injury. Enough Matts on this team for an apartment hallway......You knew Rob wanted a TE, but Tony Gonzalez with a new team may not have been ideal, but it sure pieces nicely with this powerhouse. A repeat cannot be dismissed, but he may not be able to show up at the next live draft if he does win to avoid the ass kicking he'd receive.

Best Pick: Brandon Jacobs (Why not flex the big fella)

Worst Pick: Chris Henry (Please....Preaseason sensation....)

Draft Grade: A

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ON THE RESULTS AND POST AT WILL....LET THE GAMES BEGIN